A less-than-perfect party

Reaching out is worth the risk

by Dina Matthews

I do not have the gift of hospitality. I have other gifts. I’m comfortable in them. Hospitality . . . not so much. But what became clear to me as a newcomer was that if I wanted to get to know people and develop some real friendships in my new home, I might have to just get over that.

I’ll be honest, I was not looking forward to it.

My ability to be socially awkward is huge. As far as abilities go, it’s a thing I would rather be rid of. But there it is. And in spite of that, I was determined to develop some new friendships in my new town. It’s basic survival. A woman cannot solve the world’s problems on her own. She needs a good girlfriend and a nice, long walk.

So I decided to host a New Year’s Eve party. I had done my After the Boxes Are Unpacked study, and while I couldn’t say that I had quite developed friendships, I had at least learned the names and numbers of a group of women who were all pretty new in town and might not have anywhere to go on New Year’s Eve themselves. I also knew from sharing time that many of the women had kids still at home, like me, and might enjoy something that could include the kids. There had to be at least a few takers. And there were.

That evening we had, I think, maybe six or seven families for an early dinner, play time for the kids, and some simple noisemakers in the back yard. As expected, I did not think of everything, and I’m sure that just about anybody could have put on a better party. But we were there, together, talking and laughing and trading stories about being the new kid in town. Husbands got to share a little with each other about work and man things, and we all got to experience one another as families. Everyone left well before midnight to put kids in bed. Imperfect as it was, I found it beautiful in its simplicity.

It didn’t actually take that much out of me, though hosting is not the thing I prefer to do. It showed me that I can and should host people often, certainly as often as I can spot a newcomer who needs a connection. And for the women who came – my moving sisters – we had at that party our oh-so-critical moments of relational renewal.

Of that group of New Year’s Eve Newbies, I have grown extremely close to a few, and remained friendly with the others. Time and circumstances often determine for you who fits in your current path and who needs to go another direction for a while.

But I will never regret challenging myself, taking a risk, and throwing a less than perfect party for want of sisters of the heart.