Identity Lost in the Move
by Susan Miller
I remember the emotional baggage I carried after our move to Phoenix. Even though the physical baggage I brought with me had long since been unpacked and neatly put away, I still had emotional baggage that had never been opened and looked at after our moves. These were emotions and feelings I needed to identify and work through in order to start over and move forward. I struggled with comparison, feelings of inadequacy, and loss of identity. Yes, I even struggled with anger. In fact, you name it, I probably felt it!
Southern sundresses, homes with basements and attics, BIG yards, the word y’all, and the beauty of four seasons were suddenly compared with the jeans-and-boots look, no extra storage space, my “dog run” yard, the phrase you guys, and one, long, hot summer.
In the areas of my life where I once felt confident, I now felt extremely inadequate. I used to be able to zip around town in no time, knowing just where to go for what I needed. Then we moved and I had no idea where I was going; I just hoped I was going to end up at the right place and be home before dark. I had always been so outgoing and such a “take charge” person. With this move, I became withdrawn and would find myself sitting quietly in the back row at church.
Yet, I can say that with time, a change of attitude, and a redirected focus on God, I began to love living here. This is where my home is and my heart belongs. I will be honest; it didn’t happen overnight, or over a month.
But through the process, my life became reframed around Jesus Christ—a game changer for me.
Here are some “luggage tags” you might be wearing since your move:
- Anger. Are you harboring anger because you didn’t want to move?
- Bitterness. Do you feel bitter because this move has caused major changes in your life?
- Comparison. Do you find yourself comparing everything to where you used to live, and comparing yourself to everyone else?
- Fear. Do you fear the unknown: Will you like it here? Will the job work out? Will the children adjust?
- Anxiety. Are you anxious about making new friends and finding the right school, church, doctor, grocery store, cleaners, and other places or services you need?
- Disappointment. Is the house not what you really wanted? Is the job a disillusionment? Is the cost of living higher?
- Loss of identity. Has your self-esteem taken a nose-dive? Have you gotten lost in the shuffle?
- Depression. Is everything overwhelming and you’d rather stay in bed than unpack a box, hang a picture, or fix a meal?
- Expectations. Were you expecting the neighbors to be friendly? Expecting to find a close friend by now? Expecting everything to fit in your house?
- Inadequacy. Do you feel like you just don’t have what it takes anymore—personally or professionally?
- Hurt. Do the tears come when you think of family, friends, or places you left behind? Perhaps there was a severed relationship and the issue has not been resolved.
- Grief. Are you grieving over all your losses?
What emotions do you need to identify and begin to unpack?
My dear new friends, the one thing to remember from this day forward, now and always, is this: The only luggage tag you will want to wear, and will want to claim as your own, is the one that says, “I am a child of God! I am a daughter of the King!”
Read more about unpacking your emotions and replacing your “luggage tags” in Susan Miller’s best seller, After the Boxes Are Unpacked.
So true. I was uprooted due to the devastating Paradise Camp Fire Nov 8, 2018. My move was abrupt, homeless now and not a possession to our name. I cried the first several months with our move out of state because of such a huge transition and leaving our precious daughter and granddaughter behind. There were no places available with 50,000 people displaced in an instant. I had to retire abruptly too. You may think there is a lot to do unpacking with a move but try starting over with not even the simplest item in yourpossession. We were completely starting over. There is the loss of items that could not be replaced as well. I did feel many of the “luggage tags” but I always knew God was right along side of this child of God. Once I’d wipe the tears away I could at least try to see more clearly. My husband and I had been married 48 years, met as teenagers in our church youth group and 100% soul mates. Ten months after settling, or trying to get settled, my sweet husband passed into the arms of Jesus. Identity? Friend? Partner? now another extreme feeling of loss. The worst transition of them all.. Three months after that Covid and the world shut down and more loneliness and loss I was experiencing BUT I am a child of God, His daughter and He brought me through and still is. I look back and I’m thankful where God brought me in numerous ways. I had to accept His plan and walk with Him to receive all the goodness He had and has in store for me. Keep your focus on the Father. Remember the TV program Father Knows Best….well He does!!
Thank you for sharing, Judith. We remember well when you shared your story with us. You were in our prayers and in our hearts. It is so good to hear from you again. Thank you for encouraging all of us.